Wednesday, May 30, 2007


That's how I feel. My weight is still fluctuating between 174 and 179. TOTM is gone, so I'll weigh again tomorrow. This is about changes and S-E-X.

I feel thin. Well, thinner. I'm liking me, a lot. I'm a lot more confident. I almost always feel sexy. I don't know if this has more to do with the weight-loss or getting older and more mature, but I do feel sexy more often. I'm not self-conscious all the time when I go somewhere. It's more like I know I look good and I know I'm going to get attention and compliments so I'm not nervous or anxious at all. Why was I afraid of getting attention and compliments??? I have an idea... But this is all good, so let's keep it moving.

I asked my manfriend if there was a difference in the sex. Now, I love this man. I've known him for about 15 years. He has seen me as a skinny (size 5/6) 18 year old, watched me balloon up to 250+ pounds, saw me get down to a size 16, go back to an 18, and then watched the entire transformation to now, 178lbs and a size 12. He's been thru all of it. But he only experienced the 'fat' sex, when I was between 220 and 250 (size 16 - 18) because we were friends for about 11 years before we decided to try being more. And now he has experienced me at a size 12. I wanted to know what the differences were, so I asked. He said she was easier to get to. I've done things I've never done before!!! See, when I was skinny, I was a virgin. I didn't lose my virginity until around 250lbs or so (age 23). So most of my sexual experiences have been as a big girl. Well, I've FINALLY done it in the shower! How sad is it that I couldn't do it because the logistics of getting my thighs open while I was standing was mind-boggling. Not anymore! If I stand and spread my legs, my thighs don't touch anymore! So it's not even an issue!!!! There is no more moving fat out of the way to get to my treasure spot. He also mentioned that I was really flexible. Now, I give this credit to Pilates. Oh, that and not having a stomach in the way to impede motion and every damn thing else. How great is that?! It makes doing my toes and shaving my legs so much easier!!! And it lets me move my legs in ways that I couldn't before. Maybe I've always been flexible, it's just that my big ol' belly was always in the way.

When I think about things like this, I know I won't gain the weight back. I'm lovin' this way too much! My manfriend complimented me as a big girl, but nothing like now. He looks at me differently. He is always telling me how good I look or how pretty I am or how nice an outfit looks or something. He has a compliment for me every time he sees me. And it didn't used to be that way. I like the way it makes me feel when I receive the compliments, too. And I want to continue to experience that feeling. So I need to stay on track.

And I haven't exercised in a week and a half. I have GOT to get it together!!! I need to take my measurements...

No comments: