Wednesday, December 01, 2010

New blog

I decided to start a new blog because this is a new journey. I'm doing things a little differently and wanted a fresh start. If there's anyone out there reading, you can find my blog here. Follow Mii on Twitter @WatchMiiLose.

Monday, November 22, 2010

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack!

Well, kinda. I'm back on the bandwagon, but I'm not doing so hot. But here I am, FAILs and all. I have lots of catching up to do, and I'll get to it, but first, I need to get ready to type the stats. Ugh. I'll do it after I weigh in later. It's an outrageous amount, but it's only temporary.

I just wanted to say I'm back. Still on WW. My new workout plan is my Wii. That and keeping up with this 2 year old tyrant they call a toddler. Walking is still my favorite form of exercise, and I do it on the Wii!

Ok, let me get focused. I want to update about the following:

1) Stats: weight and measurements
2) Diet: WW
3) Exercise: Wii
4) 100 Days of Weight Loss

Today is Day 1. I will update everything after I give this little man his "late night snack" and put him to bed.

YAY for being back on the bandwagon!!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


I found out about a week after my last post. So there won't be any updates on weight loss, but I will most likely update about weight gain. I lost 10lbs in the 1st trimester (I'm in my 2nd trimester now, 14th week) due to morning sickness. So I'm trying to gain some weight for my baby!!! I'm not scared about having to lose the weight or anything. I figured I did it once, I can do it again.

I'm so excited!!!!!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I bought a new book today

And I'm pretty excited about it. It's called 100 days of weight loss. I guess you could say it's kinda like a daily motivation guide. There's 100 days worth of wisdom and activities, so I'm going to do the activities in here occasionally. I'll do them daily in my notebook that I keep for everything weight-loss.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Time for some truth

I have not been completely honest in this blog, and it's time that I was. This blog is supposed to be no holds barred. And I've been holding back. So let's get it all out in the open.

Not only have I not been following the challenge, I've been seriously binge eating. And what makes it so bad is I've been doing some of it with m manfriend here. After he goes to sleep, I sneak to the vending machine downstairs in the laundry room for snacks. Then I eat them in the living room so he doesn't know. What this tells me is that the behavior is wrong. If it was cool in any way, I wouldn't be hiding and eating. And I plan this stuff. It's sad and it has to stop.

I've eaten ice cream. I baked a cake and went and bought more ice cream. And some cookies. I made the cake with applesauce, and that's supposed to make me feel better, I guess. I tried to gorge on some earlier, but I didn't want all of it, so I only ate half of what I'd served myself, which was still too much. But now, I don't want the cake or the damn ice cream. I don't really have an appetite. And I think it's cuz I'm depressed. Which leads me to my next truth. *sigh* Here goes.

If you'll notice, there is a gap in my blogging between July and November. There is a reason for this: I was pregnant. I didn't say anything in here because I wanted to wait until I was out of my first trimester, you know, wait until everything was set to go well. I was also in denial about how I felt about gaining baby weight. I was saying I was OK with it, but deep down, I was concerned about how I would lose it. All I truly wanted was a healthy baby. I figured I'd lost the weight before, I could do it again. I was SO excited about being pregnant. We both were. Even though we aren't married, we planned it. We wanted our baby. We hadn't kept it a complete secret, but we hadn't told everyone we know, just our closest friends and family.

OMG, being pregnant was bittersweet. I hated being exhausted and nauseated all the time, but I loved having a life inside of me. I couldn't wait until the baby started to grow and move and all of that. I loved watching Zeke talk to my stomach. I loved so much about it. I was scared about whether or not I'd be a good mom. But I was so diligent about my eating habits. I wanted to be as healthy as possible for my baby. I wanted to get enough of all of my nutrients for my baby. I cared far more for my body when I was pregnant than I ever have. But like a lot of pregnant women, I was irritated all the time. I was stressed at work. Then I started cramping and bleeding a little bit. I tried not to worry, but I knew what was happening, I was losing my baby.

On Thursday, October 11, 2007, I went to the emergency room where I learned that I'd already had a miscarriage. I was a mere days away from being out of my first trimester. I was counting down the days until I could tell my good news to everyone. I could not believe it. I was hurting in a way that I never have. I've dealt with depression for years, but never felt anything like this. I had no appetite and I just felt empty, like something was missing. But not like when my parents or good friend passed away. I realized I felt like I was missing a body part, like my arm was gone. One minute, you have a whole 'nother life inside of you, then the next minute, nothing is there. It's devastating. An entire future completely obliterated.

So I decided after a few days that I was fine. And I didn't talk to anyone about it. I felt like I should be OK and I should just move on. I knew deep down I was not OK, but I was trying to make it through. I was just goin' thru the motions. I completely avoided it. totally and completely. Then during the week of November 11th, I missed work. I just didn't feel like myself and I couldn't bring myself to go to work. I'm a teacher, and I just didn't have it in me to give. I mentioned to my friend that maybe it was the anniversary of the miscarriage, but I didn't think any more about it. Until today.

Today is December 11th. And I didn't go to work. One of my lymph nodes in my throat is swollen and it hurts. I lost my voice. It just seems like my body is shutting down on me. This only happens when I'm not taking care of myself mentally, my body makes me take notice. Well, it got my attention today. Last night, my throat started swelling. It hurt when I swallowed and it hurt when I turned my head to the right. When I woke up this morning, I didn't have a voice. But I did have food in my bed: Baked Cheetos and ginger snaps. How is it that my throat hurt just from swallowing, but I still had food in my bed? Not even a swollen and aching throat could stop me from eating. Damn shame.

After I stared feeling better physically, I realized that I still felt bad mentally and emotionally. I knew I was depressed, but didn't know why at first, until I realized what today was. I think that my subconscious is trying to get me to deal with this. *sigh* And I'm not sure I'm ready. What I really want is to be pregnant again. That's all I want. I can't make myself eat right, but I know I would if I was pregnant. How sad is it that I care more about a child than I do about myself? I'm sure being selfless will help me be a good mom, but shouldn't I care about myself and my health anyway, not just because I'm pregnant? I can't even address that right now.

Right now I have to focus on how this miscarriage has affected me, my emotions, my mental stability, and my eating habits. Not to mention my lack of motivation and over feelings of apathy. I don't care about much of anything anymore.

So that's my truth. I can't seem to get it back in gear, and I know that this is the reason. I haven't dealt with this. Until I truly deal with it, I'm not going to be able to manage much of anything. Blogging about it is a start. Talking about it is next. I'll probably start a blog just to address the miscarriage. Something has got to give. There is a huge disconnect in my mind. I want to be healthy, but I'm sabotaging myself.

No matter what, though, I will not give up.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Another documentary

FAT: What No One Is Telling You

It was ok. Like just ok. But it did make me feel a little better about how I've been feeling about my lack of motivation. Would I recommend it? I dunno. It's not a must see, but it's not a total waste of time, either.

Fat Cells

From Howstuffworks:

Fat cells are formed in the developing fetus during the third trimester of pregnancy, and later at the onset of puberty, when the sex hormones "kick in." It is during puberty that the differences in fat distribution between men and women begin to take form. One amazing fact is that fat cells generally do not generate after puberty -- as your body stores more fat, the number of fat cells remains the same. Each fat cell simply gets bigger! (There are two exceptions: the body might produce more fat cells if an adult gains a significant amount of weight or has liposuction performed.)

Let's refocus

Because I've seemingly lost focus. My last post talked about how I lacked motivation. Well, I need to motivate myself in some way. So let's revisit what we're doing and why.

What do I want to change?
  1. Abdominal area: lose all the fat and build muscle. No more big belly!!!
  2. Back area: back fat must go!
  3. Upper arms: get rid of the flab by toning triceps. No more flabby arms!
  4. Upper thighs: get rid of gross fat at top of thighs
  5. LOSE WEIGHT: currently 181.5lbs, goal 150lbs. Must lose 31lbs!!!
What can I do to achieve these goals?
  1. Abdominal workouts to tone abs and core: Hip Hop Abs, belly dancing, Pilates, 10-Minute Solution (ball)
  2. Upper body workouts: Pilates, ball
  3. Upper body workouts: push-ups, Pilates, ball
  4. Lower body workouts: HHA, Pilates, ball, squats, lunges
  5. Do cardio (>= 20 mins) to burn fat. Build muscle to help burn fat.
  6. OVERALL: BE CONSISTENT!!! You can't be successful if you are not consistent.
What will help you achieve your goals?
  1. Schedules for both exercise and meals
  2. Moral support - people to talk to regarding weight-loss
  3. Physical support - someone to help me be accountable for exercise, like a partner or a trainer
WHY do you want to change?
  1. Be healthy - I want to prevent disease and add years to my life.
  2. I want to LOOK BETTER NAKED!!!
  3. I want to have more energy.
  4. I want to prepare my body for getting pregnant.
  5. I want to improve movement and flexibility, especially in sexual activity.
  6. I want to improve my self-esteem and body image.
  7. I want to feel a sense of accomplishment.
  8. I want to create discipline within my life.
What obstacles will I face on my journey?
  1. Fat cells never disappear. I *just* learned this. The only way to get rid of them is liposuction. That means that those cells will always be there, waiting to get bigger. They want to get bigger. So I have to fight the primal urge to feed these fat cells forever, meaning I will always be on this journey. This helps me to understand why it's a lifestyle change and not just a quick fix.
  2. Lack of planning. Sometimes life happens and I don't have time to plan or I just fail to plan.
  3. The munchies
  4. Social engagements (office parties, dinner dates, parties, etc)
  6. Basic desire to be lazy, do nothing, and veg out.
What strategies can I use to overcome these obstacles?
  1. Don't feed the fat cells! Be disciplined in your eating. Think before you eat. Remember the WHYs. Be consistent in exercise to burn all those extra calories.
  2. MAKE time once a week (Sundays) to plan for two weeks in advance. Schedule workouts, make & separate meals, review calendar for upcoming events that could sabotage your success (be proactive vs. reactive).
  3. Either stop the behavior or modify it. Munch on fruits and vegetables.
  4. Find out what food & drink will be available in advance so you can decide ahead of time what to eat. Eat a healthy snack before the event so you don't "over-nibble." Always make healthy choices and pay attention to portion size. Make going out to dinner a reward.
  5. Use exercise to combat stress and depression.
  6. Make exercise things that you enjoy doing so it doesn't seem like as much of a task. Dance more!!!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Need motivation

Because so far on my "challenge," I've done nothing. I haven't eaten right. I have only exercised two or three times since starting. I just haven't been motivated. My weight was 180.5 this morning, and pants that used to be falling off are almost fitting. So I have GOT to get it in gear.

Well, a soror and I decided to exchange exercise videos. We were only supposed to trade one DVD, stability ball workouts. Well, m soror also sent me Hip Hop Abs!!!!! I'm SUPER excited about it! I have a friend who lost a ton of inches by using the videos. So I'm going to start doing them. I did the first one yesterday, but it doesn't count as exercise cuz I barely broke a sweat. AND it's only 13 minutes. Oh, and I tried one of the dance routines. It seems fun enough to motivate me to get my lazy ass out the bed in the morning.

I'm basically just checking in to say I'm trying to get focused. I haven't lost any weight, and I've gained a little, but I will NOT get back to where I was. Hell, I'm not even tryna stay in the 180's. So I have to get my eating under control.

Will post in about a week to talk about how I like HHA.