Monday, June 05, 2006


I woke up today and went walking. Yesterday, I felt horrible about not having exercised for a week. I've never actually felt bad before. I felt bad yesterday. So I got up today and did something about it.

I had a bad weekend food-wise, but it was a learning experience. I learned that I am not ready to have sweet treats in the house. Lemme tell y'all what happened. Last week I decided that it was time to learn moderation. I bought a box of Nabisco Ginger Snaps (3pts for 4 cookies) and some Breyer's Light Ice Cream Sandwiches (Skinny Cows are better). I bought this stuff on Wednesday. The Ginger Snaps were gone on Saturday, I think. The ice cream sandwiches are gone, too. I have consistently eaten over my points every day this week (my WW week runs Thur-Wed). I was out of WAP by Friday. So needless to say, I was disgusted with myself.

I kept thinking at what point one gives up on the whole eating healthy thing. I was a little resentful yesterday. I wish I could eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. And that's what I thought about all day yesterday as I snacked away mindlessly. Well, not really mindlessly, I thought about everything I put into my mouth. And I thought about how it was going to affect my weigh-in this week. But I was resentful, so I just kept eating. And then I started thinking about at what point in my diet I normally quit. I mean, in the past, at what point do I just start eating and not exercising and just not giving a damn? I didn't know and I knew it wasn't yesterday. Hell, I'm obsessed. I sat in bed yesterday and read. I went to the library and got plenty of books on juicing. I also got health and nutrition books, like food nutrition. I wanted to know which vegetables had which nutrients. That way, I'll know what to juice. I thought of all the vegetables I'd be buying that I didn't even eat. It excited me. I kept thinking of what meals I would be preparing this week and how many points they'd be. Thought about walking some more and when I was going to add weight training. Figured I should make an Excel spreadsheet to help me plan meals and exercise routines. Thought about my goal-clothes and when I'd be able to get in them.

My point? I couldn't be giving up (even though I was snacking out of control) because my mind was still on my goal. I think I am learning that it's not all or nothing. Just because I have a bad day or even a bad week does not mean that I just give up entirely. This is the first time I can actually see myself seeing this entire journey thru til the end. I don't want to get complacent. I want to be fit and healthy. I will NOT give up!!! I will keep walking. And I will not waste my time walking buy eating a whole bunch of stuff I don't need. I'm still learning. And I'm still creating habits. Right now, the habit I most need to enforce is to dust myself off and try again.

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