Thursday, July 06, 2006

Trying to stay UP

Ok, I have so much to say. First things first, last week, I gained 2.4lbs. I stayed within my points, BUT I didn't exercise at all. That really put me in the ground, though. I wanted to binge SO badly and didn't and I STILL gained. No matter, right? WRONG!!! It has been downhill ever since! *sigh* I don't celebrate the 4th of July, so that wasn't it. I don't have any EXCUSES. I did what I did and then didn't go weigh in yesterday. Slept right thru it. I almost decided THE HELL WITH IT. But then I remembered, no matter WHAT, I can't quit. And I remembered that this isn't the first time this has happened. I can lose the weight. Only by saying TO HELL WITH IT will I gain EVERYTHING back and end up fatter and unhappy and even more unmotivated and even more lazy with even more contempt for exercise. So today, I'm back on plan. I guess. Lemme tell y'all what I ate over the last five days.

It all started with making sure I had easy foods to eat while I braided my hair. Friday night I went out and didn't braid ANY of my hair. Instead, I was at the bar and drank two vodka & cranberries. Then I also had 1/2 of a beer. I don't even drink beer. It was a long night. Driving home Saturday morning, I stopped at McDonald's and got a Steak, Egg, & Cheese bagel, hashbrown, and orange juice.

So I went to the grocery store on Saturday and spent $50. I got plenty of fruit and some microwave stuff:
  • Apples, peaches, nectarines, plums, watermelon, and bananas
  • Morningstar Buffalo nuggets
  • Morningstar Chik'n nuggets
  • Lean Cuisine Steak Panini
  • Lean Cuisine mushroom pizza
On Saturday night, I wanted some sancks. So I went to Kroger and got a bag of Baked Cheetos and a box of Chips Ahoy 100 Calorie Snack Packs. By Sunday, everything was gone, EXCEPT the fruit. Well, not totally true; I ate the watermelon. So I went to Kroger and got a box of Ginger Snaps and a pint of Butter Pecan Ice Cream. On Monday, still in binge mode, I go to the Chinese buffet. I didn't eat as much as I could've, but I did some damage. By Tuesday everything (except the fruit) was all gone. So I went to Papa John's and got a large chicken fajita pizza and an order of cheese sticks. I ate all of the cheese sticks and 6 slices of the pizza (pan crust) over two days. Somewhere in there, I also ate some cereal and some fruit.

Totally lost control. And now I have to go weigh-in today. I don't want to, but I HAVE to because NO MATTER WHAT, I CAN'T QUIT. After I weigh in, I'll come and post where I'm at.

Here's the thing. I think I self-sabotage or something. I mean, I was SO close to ONEderland. So close, and now look at me. But it's cool, I'm not totally discouraged. I got another book on CD from the library and I'm going to start using it tomorrow. My belly dancing class is tonight. I don't wanna go. I'm on my period and I'm crampy and I'm in a bad mood and I don't wanna go. But I'm gonna go ahead and go. Because last month I said NO MATTER WHAT, I'm going to exercise even while on my period. Normally, it puts me DOWN, but this month, I'm going to master it. It already made me totally overeat, I can't let it make me not exercise, too.

I've got to get back on track. I just felf fat and ugly this weekend. I don't know what happened. :( One day I'm all happy about my weight loss and the next day, I just feel fat. WTF? I was supposed to go to a party Sunday night. I got dressed, put on my make-up, cute shoes, everything. Instead of feeling cute, I felt fat and not attractive. So what did I do? Changed into sweats and a tshirt, and went and got Ginger Snaps and ice cream. Ate half of it that night and finished it off Monday morning.

So that's my binge. I feel shitty about the whole thing. But it is what it is, right?

Today is a whole new day. Whole new day...

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