Wednesday, December 12, 2007

I bought a new book today

And I'm pretty excited about it. It's called 100 days of weight loss. I guess you could say it's kinda like a daily motivation guide. There's 100 days worth of wisdom and activities, so I'm going to do the activities in here occasionally. I'll do them daily in my notebook that I keep for everything weight-loss.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Time for some truth

I have not been completely honest in this blog, and it's time that I was. This blog is supposed to be no holds barred. And I've been holding back. So let's get it all out in the open.

Not only have I not been following the challenge, I've been seriously binge eating. And what makes it so bad is I've been doing some of it with m manfriend here. After he goes to sleep, I sneak to the vending machine downstairs in the laundry room for snacks. Then I eat them in the living room so he doesn't know. What this tells me is that the behavior is wrong. If it was cool in any way, I wouldn't be hiding and eating. And I plan this stuff. It's sad and it has to stop.

I've eaten ice cream. I baked a cake and went and bought more ice cream. And some cookies. I made the cake with applesauce, and that's supposed to make me feel better, I guess. I tried to gorge on some earlier, but I didn't want all of it, so I only ate half of what I'd served myself, which was still too much. But now, I don't want the cake or the damn ice cream. I don't really have an appetite. And I think it's cuz I'm depressed. Which leads me to my next truth. *sigh* Here goes.

If you'll notice, there is a gap in my blogging between July and November. There is a reason for this: I was pregnant. I didn't say anything in here because I wanted to wait until I was out of my first trimester, you know, wait until everything was set to go well. I was also in denial about how I felt about gaining baby weight. I was saying I was OK with it, but deep down, I was concerned about how I would lose it. All I truly wanted was a healthy baby. I figured I'd lost the weight before, I could do it again. I was SO excited about being pregnant. We both were. Even though we aren't married, we planned it. We wanted our baby. We hadn't kept it a complete secret, but we hadn't told everyone we know, just our closest friends and family.

OMG, being pregnant was bittersweet. I hated being exhausted and nauseated all the time, but I loved having a life inside of me. I couldn't wait until the baby started to grow and move and all of that. I loved watching Zeke talk to my stomach. I loved so much about it. I was scared about whether or not I'd be a good mom. But I was so diligent about my eating habits. I wanted to be as healthy as possible for my baby. I wanted to get enough of all of my nutrients for my baby. I cared far more for my body when I was pregnant than I ever have. But like a lot of pregnant women, I was irritated all the time. I was stressed at work. Then I started cramping and bleeding a little bit. I tried not to worry, but I knew what was happening, I was losing my baby.

On Thursday, October 11, 2007, I went to the emergency room where I learned that I'd already had a miscarriage. I was a mere days away from being out of my first trimester. I was counting down the days until I could tell my good news to everyone. I could not believe it. I was hurting in a way that I never have. I've dealt with depression for years, but never felt anything like this. I had no appetite and I just felt empty, like something was missing. But not like when my parents or good friend passed away. I realized I felt like I was missing a body part, like my arm was gone. One minute, you have a whole 'nother life inside of you, then the next minute, nothing is there. It's devastating. An entire future completely obliterated.

So I decided after a few days that I was fine. And I didn't talk to anyone about it. I felt like I should be OK and I should just move on. I knew deep down I was not OK, but I was trying to make it through. I was just goin' thru the motions. I completely avoided it. totally and completely. Then during the week of November 11th, I missed work. I just didn't feel like myself and I couldn't bring myself to go to work. I'm a teacher, and I just didn't have it in me to give. I mentioned to my friend that maybe it was the anniversary of the miscarriage, but I didn't think any more about it. Until today.

Today is December 11th. And I didn't go to work. One of my lymph nodes in my throat is swollen and it hurts. I lost my voice. It just seems like my body is shutting down on me. This only happens when I'm not taking care of myself mentally, my body makes me take notice. Well, it got my attention today. Last night, my throat started swelling. It hurt when I swallowed and it hurt when I turned my head to the right. When I woke up this morning, I didn't have a voice. But I did have food in my bed: Baked Cheetos and ginger snaps. How is it that my throat hurt just from swallowing, but I still had food in my bed? Not even a swollen and aching throat could stop me from eating. Damn shame.

After I stared feeling better physically, I realized that I still felt bad mentally and emotionally. I knew I was depressed, but didn't know why at first, until I realized what today was. I think that my subconscious is trying to get me to deal with this. *sigh* And I'm not sure I'm ready. What I really want is to be pregnant again. That's all I want. I can't make myself eat right, but I know I would if I was pregnant. How sad is it that I care more about a child than I do about myself? I'm sure being selfless will help me be a good mom, but shouldn't I care about myself and my health anyway, not just because I'm pregnant? I can't even address that right now.

Right now I have to focus on how this miscarriage has affected me, my emotions, my mental stability, and my eating habits. Not to mention my lack of motivation and over feelings of apathy. I don't care about much of anything anymore.

So that's my truth. I can't seem to get it back in gear, and I know that this is the reason. I haven't dealt with this. Until I truly deal with it, I'm not going to be able to manage much of anything. Blogging about it is a start. Talking about it is next. I'll probably start a blog just to address the miscarriage. Something has got to give. There is a huge disconnect in my mind. I want to be healthy, but I'm sabotaging myself.

No matter what, though, I will not give up.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Another documentary

FAT: What No One Is Telling You

It was ok. Like just ok. But it did make me feel a little better about how I've been feeling about my lack of motivation. Would I recommend it? I dunno. It's not a must see, but it's not a total waste of time, either.

Fat Cells

From Howstuffworks:

Fat cells are formed in the developing fetus during the third trimester of pregnancy, and later at the onset of puberty, when the sex hormones "kick in." It is during puberty that the differences in fat distribution between men and women begin to take form. One amazing fact is that fat cells generally do not generate after puberty -- as your body stores more fat, the number of fat cells remains the same. Each fat cell simply gets bigger! (There are two exceptions: the body might produce more fat cells if an adult gains a significant amount of weight or has liposuction performed.)

Let's refocus

Because I've seemingly lost focus. My last post talked about how I lacked motivation. Well, I need to motivate myself in some way. So let's revisit what we're doing and why.

What do I want to change?
  1. Abdominal area: lose all the fat and build muscle. No more big belly!!!
  2. Back area: back fat must go!
  3. Upper arms: get rid of the flab by toning triceps. No more flabby arms!
  4. Upper thighs: get rid of gross fat at top of thighs
  5. LOSE WEIGHT: currently 181.5lbs, goal 150lbs. Must lose 31lbs!!!
What can I do to achieve these goals?
  1. Abdominal workouts to tone abs and core: Hip Hop Abs, belly dancing, Pilates, 10-Minute Solution (ball)
  2. Upper body workouts: Pilates, ball
  3. Upper body workouts: push-ups, Pilates, ball
  4. Lower body workouts: HHA, Pilates, ball, squats, lunges
  5. Do cardio (>= 20 mins) to burn fat. Build muscle to help burn fat.
  6. OVERALL: BE CONSISTENT!!! You can't be successful if you are not consistent.
What will help you achieve your goals?
  1. Schedules for both exercise and meals
  2. Moral support - people to talk to regarding weight-loss
  3. Physical support - someone to help me be accountable for exercise, like a partner or a trainer
WHY do you want to change?
  1. Be healthy - I want to prevent disease and add years to my life.
  2. I want to LOOK BETTER NAKED!!!
  3. I want to have more energy.
  4. I want to prepare my body for getting pregnant.
  5. I want to improve movement and flexibility, especially in sexual activity.
  6. I want to improve my self-esteem and body image.
  7. I want to feel a sense of accomplishment.
  8. I want to create discipline within my life.
What obstacles will I face on my journey?
  1. Fat cells never disappear. I *just* learned this. The only way to get rid of them is liposuction. That means that those cells will always be there, waiting to get bigger. They want to get bigger. So I have to fight the primal urge to feed these fat cells forever, meaning I will always be on this journey. This helps me to understand why it's a lifestyle change and not just a quick fix.
  2. Lack of planning. Sometimes life happens and I don't have time to plan or I just fail to plan.
  3. The munchies
  4. Social engagements (office parties, dinner dates, parties, etc)
  5. STRESS
  6. Basic desire to be lazy, do nothing, and veg out.
What strategies can I use to overcome these obstacles?
  1. Don't feed the fat cells! Be disciplined in your eating. Think before you eat. Remember the WHYs. Be consistent in exercise to burn all those extra calories.
  2. MAKE time once a week (Sundays) to plan for two weeks in advance. Schedule workouts, make & separate meals, review calendar for upcoming events that could sabotage your success (be proactive vs. reactive).
  3. Either stop the behavior or modify it. Munch on fruits and vegetables.
  4. Find out what food & drink will be available in advance so you can decide ahead of time what to eat. Eat a healthy snack before the event so you don't "over-nibble." Always make healthy choices and pay attention to portion size. Make going out to dinner a reward.
  5. Use exercise to combat stress and depression.
  6. Make exercise things that you enjoy doing so it doesn't seem like as much of a task. Dance more!!!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Need motivation

Because so far on my "challenge," I've done nothing. I haven't eaten right. I have only exercised two or three times since starting. I just haven't been motivated. My weight was 180.5 this morning, and pants that used to be falling off are almost fitting. So I have GOT to get it in gear.

Well, a soror and I decided to exchange exercise videos. We were only supposed to trade one DVD, stability ball workouts. Well, m soror also sent me Hip Hop Abs!!!!! I'm SUPER excited about it! I have a friend who lost a ton of inches by using the videos. So I'm going to start doing them. I did the first one yesterday, but it doesn't count as exercise cuz I barely broke a sweat. AND it's only 13 minutes. Oh, and I tried one of the dance routines. It seems fun enough to motivate me to get my lazy ass out the bed in the morning.

I'm basically just checking in to say I'm trying to get focused. I haven't lost any weight, and I've gained a little, but I will NOT get back to where I was. Hell, I'm not even tryna stay in the 180's. So I have to get my eating under control.

Will post in about a week to talk about how I like HHA.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Still Day 1

And already I feel as though I've messed up.

I had a LC for lunch. Then I had 5 small chicken fingers. Bad idea. And I had some canned pineapples. That's all. Oh, and some water. No idea what I'ma have for dinner. But considering how I've been eating, today is actually not so bad.

I did have a realization, though. I read a few posts back and noticed something. When I was 178lbs, I was feelin' all sexy and stuff. What happened? What happened between this summer and now? Clearly, I can't really be that much bigger than I was before. Actually, that's not completely true. I may weigh the same, but I feel like I've gained some inches. Maybe it's cuz I'm on my period, I dunno. But the point is, I'm trippin'. Gettin' all bent out of shape when 3lbs ago I felt great about how I looked.

I guess what has happened is I've gotten used to my size. Whereas I used to be enamored with my new size, now I'm used to it and I don't view it as thin anymore. Now, I just see how I'm still overweight and I don't like how I look naked. And this isn't anything new, really. I've been on the LOOK BETTER NAKED kick since starting Pilates. But I'm ready to be DONE with this whole weight-loss and fitness thing. I'm tired of working toward a goal. I'm ready to be AT GOAL. Maintenance forever, that's what I'm ready for.

Oh, and I wanted to blog about my little mini-goal. January 13th is my man's birthday. My goal? To be so confident with my body, that I'm able to do a strip tease for him without feeling self-conscious. By that time, I should be about 75% of the way through the challenge and should be seeing some results. I can't wait to see what I look like!!!!! :) I'ma hafta buy some new lingerie!!!

Truth be told, I'm hoping to be at goal (around 150-155lbs) by the end of this challenge. Even if it means that the last week of the challenge I do FS to pull off the last 10lbs. So be it. I'll continue with a second challenge immediately following this one, just to perfect whatever I accomplish. I'm seriously trying to get MY dream body. That means NO FLAB: no flabby arms and no big belly and no thunder thighs and no back fat. I don't have to look like a body builder or anything like that, but I want to think that I have a nice body. Bump what everybody else thinks, I want to think I have a nice body. That means more muscle, less fat.

I was worried my manfriend would miss my "softness." He always comments on how soft I am (in a good way). So I asked him what he was gonna say after the softness is replaced by muscle. He said, "I'll say you a brick house!" That made me smile. I want him to be happy with me, too. And I guess I shoulda known that if I'm happy, he's happy. I've still had some sexual firsts with him, and I'm enjoying them (I'll spare y'all the details this time, lol). There are more to come, that's for sure. Hell, Fitness magazine even has a Better Sex Workout. I forget which issue that was in, though. What I know is that I will be at goal when I am completely comfortable with my body in the bedroom. When I don't think to myself, "Can I do that? Am I too heavy for him? Am I hurting him?" And all those crazy insecurity-driven questions that I have at the most inopportune times. So I'm looking forward to stripping for him with my newfound confidence (that should be arriving in around 4 to 6 weeks, I'm guessing).

Ok, time to go home and get that Upper Body workout out the way.

Body for Life: Day 1

So I had something happen this weekend that caused me to really think hard about this whole fitness thing. I have been eating out of control and I'm gaining weight. As of this morning, I'm 181 pounds. Yes, back in the 180's, and NOT happy about it. Anyway, I can tell by the way my clothes are fitting. And I refuse to let it go any further. But that's not what caused the epiphany. My manfriend invited me to a fight party Saturday night. Now, it's not that I didn't know the people throwing the party; we go to Bible class with them. But I just didn't feel like being seen. I felt fat and unsexy. I didn't really have anything to wear. I almost canceled. But I didn't want to disappoint my manfriend, cuz I knew he was looking forward to me attending the party with him. So I threw something together (and felt SUPER bummy) and went. I decided that night that I would gain control of this weight thing. It just can't go on like this, controlling my decisions and making me feel anxious and self-conscious. I have been re-reading my Fitness magazines and a similar story sticks out to me. A lady was on vacation with her husband, and her insecurities about how she looked kept her from participating in an activity. Her husband was bothered by it. And that's how I felt this weekend, that my insecurities will affect my manfriend, and I don't want to let that happen. If I am uncomfortable with how I look, then I have to change it so that I'm no longer uncomfortable. No more will my body image affect the decisions that I make. That means I have to put in the work and the effort required to change.

So I devoured my BFL and BFLFW books. I went through all my Fitness magazines and tore out pages with workouts I'd like to try. I bought a new DVD (10-Minute Solution Fitness Ball workouts) and watched it to create different workouts. I have purchased a yoga mat and some 3lb and 5lb dumbbells. I have everything I need right at home. I tried some of the workouts and some of the moves. I am committed to making this change. So today is Day 1. Already we're off to a bad start, but nothing that can't be fixed. I didn't wake up this morning and exercise. So I will do it as soon as I get home from work today. My plan is to pretty much ease into the 12-week challenge. I am not expecting to be perfect, but I am expecting to make changes and work myself harder than ever. I'll post my measurements in here tomorrow so that I can keep track of inches lost. I can't wait to see how my body looks on February 4th, Day 84.

Exercise-wise, I'm off to a great start, as far as planning goes. Nutrition-wise, I'm not so ready. Today I'm going to plan meals and probably cook some as well. I bought some more Gladware so that I can freeze stuff that I make and have ready make lunches and dinners for the days I'm too tired to cook. I need to go to the produce store for some fruit so I can have snacks. I may do a modified version of FS because even though I don't want to lose weight too fast, I need to detox. I've been eating WAY too much junk. Like, seriously, horrible. Red meat included. So I'm getting back to basics with food and FS detox is a good way to start. Especially since I'm at 181lbs. We'll see. I'm not going to do anything too stringent as far as diet is concerned. I'm going to definitely count my points. And I'm going to drink more water. And I'm going to try to eat 5 small meals every day. I did bad at writing down what I ate last week, but it's a new week, and I'm going to try it again.

Once I get my car back from the mechanic, it opens me up to a world of opportunities, like driving to places to go walking (malls, indoor tracks, etc). Being able to go to the grocery store when I feel like it. Going dancing and to dance classes (I'm going to start belly dancing again).

So here we go. Day 1. Fat and not happy about it, so let's do something about it!!!

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Still... being... sitting... Still...

Still slowly starting. Yesterday I ate all kinds of junk. I won't even get into it, but it was pretty bad. At any rate, I'm pretty much finished re-reading BFLFW. I'm preparing my work-out routine. I'm still on the wagon, I'm just sitting here.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Slow start

Yesterday was a bad eating day. But instead of focusing on how bad it was, I'm instead going to learn from it. Here's what I learned:
  • No snacks allowed in the house. Not even healthy ones. That pretty much means no processed foods. I can't keep it in the house. I've eaten a whole bag of baked cheetos and 3 boxes of 100 calorie snack packs. Ridiculous!!! So from now on, no snacks. If I want a snack, I'll have to make some popcorn. For sweet snacks, I'll have fruit or cereal.
  • I need to practice some self-control and get back to proper portion sizes. I was eating cuz I liked the taste of the food, not cuz I was still hungry.

So that's that. But I still wrote everything down. And I'm still focused. It's just gonna take some time to get back in the saddle.

Oh, and I'm still re-reading BFLFW.

Monday, November 05, 2007

If it ain't broke...

don't fix it. I'm stickin' with FitDay.com.

It's been a long time...

like, too long. But some things happened (health-wise), and it took me off plan for a little bit. But here I am, back again. And ready and focused, just as before. I'm ready to take control and finish this journey. I'm ready to be in the maintenance phase. So starting today, I'm counting points (even if I go over) and writing down what I eat. I'm going to also go back to Fitday.com (or another site like it) and enter my food so I can see if I'm meeting my nutritional needs. So let's make a list of things I need to get done.
  1. Read Body-for-Life for Women again. Take notes. Create a plan (eating and working out).
  2. Plan meals for two weeks. Breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. Pay attention to portion sizes, nutrient amounts, and POINTS values.
  3. Schedule work-outs. 6 days a week, 3 cardio and 3 weight training.
  4. Take all measurements: weight, inches, BMI, % body fat
  5. You may need one appointment with a physical trainer to get some of the tests ( like %bf)
  6. Make a doctor's appointment to get numbers: cholesterol, blood pressure, glucose levels, etc. Compare with last year and go again in 6 months.
  7. Go through past issues of Fitness and WW magazines to find different fitness tips to try out every now and then to add variety to your workouts.

I think that's a good start. I'm going to look at different sites like Fitday today so I can make sure I'm able to start this week. I'm really excited! I'm a size 12 right now. I went thrifting yesterday, and I got a Limited skirt, size 10!! It fits, but it is a little tight. I give it a few weeks, and it should be much looser. I think I want to get down to a size 8.

At first, I was gonna do FS to give myself a weight-loss boost, but I decided against it. I really want to build muscle and tone my body. I really, really, really do. So I don't want to lose the weight too fast, because then I'll just have flab or skin left over. And I definitely don't want that. So I'm really going to work on building muscle.

So I'm taking a 12 week challenge (BFL). That's only 84 days, barely 3 months. I can't wait to see what my body looks like at the end of the 12 weeks. Then I'm going to do another 12 week challenge right afterwards, to make it a full 6 month process. I'm hoping to drop at least 25lbs over the next 6 months. I'm sure I can do it. This morning, I weighed in at 175.5lbs. I've been fluctuating between 173 and 177 the last week or so. But I'm using 175.5 as my starting weight and 150 as my goal weight. But I don't just want to lose weight, I want to gain muscle!!!

I saw an interval training (cardio) in the most recent issue of Fitness that I want to try. It's on the treadmill, and it seems really intense. I wanna see if I can do it. That's yet another challenge! That's going to be my exercise on my cardio days. Oh, and I'll have extra exercise, too. On Mondays, I'm going to start going line dancing with my FMIL. It'll be fun exercise and I'll get to bond with her, too. I'm going to start back at Pilates, most definitely. And I'll probably take two more dance classes, belly dancing and salsa (or some type of ballroom dance). I have to budget for the dance classes. I'm also going on a financial diet as well, so budgets are a must.

Well, that's all for now. More later, I'm sure.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

De plane, Boss, de plane, de plane!!!

Oh my goodness, how could I forget the plane ride home?! MILESTONE!!! I get on the plane and I end up in a middle seat. Let me list all the differences between now and how it used to be.

1) I didn't touch the other passengers at all!! Normally my thighs or my hips are touching the people next to me. NOT THIS TIME!!!!! I fit in MY seat!!!

2) THE SEATBELT WAS NOT AN ISSUE. OMG! Usually this is the most embarrassing for me on the plane. I always have such an issue getting the seatbelt on and tightened. To the point where people ask me if I need help. Not this time!!!!!! YAY!!!!!! No issue at all! AND I had a grip of extra belt to pull when I tightened it. I was so excited I sent my friend a text about it!

3) I didn't have to walk sideways down the aisle!!! I could face forward like everyone else.

All in all, I just felt totally comfortable in a way that I never have before when I've flown. It really is the little things.

I'm NEVER going back!!! NEVER!!!!

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Choosing sides

So, I find myself conflicted in some sort of way. I am SO happy that I've lost 70lbs, don't get me wrong, but I feel weird about it. Here's what's happened.

I went to DC for about a week because I was a hostess in my friends' wedding. I have to admit, I was excited to see people; I haven't been to DC in like a year and a half. So I was excited. And I knew that people would comment on the weight loss; I was prepared for that. What I was not prepared for is people not recognizing me. WTF? I look the same, albeit 70lbs lighter. But my face looks the same. Ok, it's not as fat, but y'all get what I'm sayin'. I LOOK THE SAME!!! As if that wasn't bad enough (yes, I count it as bad), two people called me SKINNY! Now, let's get one thing straight: I AM NOT SKINNY. At all. I am 5'8" and 177lbs. I could still stand to lose 25-30lbs. I know skinny; I was skinny all growing up until I was 18 or 19. I do NOT want to go back to how I looked in high school; I was too skinny. But to hear people describe me that way now rubs me the wrong way. Why? Because I don't have good memories of skinny people from when I was fat. Mo'nique's voice stays in my head: "Fuck these skinny bitches! Y'all are some hateful bitches. Skinny women are evil and they need to be destroyed!" And now I find myself no longer a "big girl." But I still find myself giving silent props to big girls I see when I'm out. BUT, at the same time, I find myself wondering if my big girls (see what I'm sayin'? MY big girls) are concerned about their health and whether or not they are taking steps to live longer, healthier lives. I find myself seeing overweight people and saying to myself, "Keep exercising and eating right, Monique, or that could be you." And while I'm giving silent props to my big girls, I think (I'm not totally sure yet, but I think) I'm glad I'm not one anymore. And therein lies the conflict. I have absolutely NO desire to be a "skinny bitch." But at the same time, I'm SO glad no one can call me fat anymore. Yet, I still look at super-skinny women with disdain. WTF is that about? It's not cool. It's no more fair than skinny women (or anyone else) looking down on fat people. I guess I blame skinny people for how fat people are treated. And it's not their fault that they're the standard of beauty. They don't perpetuate it at all. I mean, they might eat it up (as in the attention), but they don't create the standard. But no different than whites who take advantage of their privilege, skinny people take advantage, too. And if you talk to them long enough, they'll tell you exactly how they feel about fat people. I remember when I was in college, my roommate's boyfriend was cheating on her. She didn't believe it. Why not? Because the girl in question was thick (let's be clear, she was not FAT, but she was by no means thin). She said, "Why would Darius mess with her? He don't want her fat ass." But he was definitely fuckin' the girl, and we all knew it. But she couldn't BELIEVE that her boyfriend would cheat on her (skinny girl) with a fat girl. That's the shit I be talkin' about. And I don't want to be in that crowd. Inside, I'm a fat girl for life. I will always be a fat girl on the inside. I wonder how long this internal conflict will last. And will I ever be completely comfortable in my skin? Especially since I'm still trying to lose weight and tone. I want to look good for all my hard work in losing this weight! I don't want to just be healthy, I want to look healthy.

What about my friends? For the past I don't know how long, I've been surrounded by mostly big girls. I mean, it's no secret that obesity is running rampant through the black community. So it's no surprise that most of my friends are big girls. Not all, mind you, but most. Well, when I go home or to DC, I'm with my friends, and it makes me a little uncomfortable. Many times, their habits haven't changed, but mine have. I can't eat the way I used to and I'm more active (this is never an issue when I'm out of town, cuz I normally gain weight from eating what I know I have no business and not exercising). This trip was special. I didn't gain ANY weight! AND I exercised a little (not as much as when I'm at home, but still). Why? Because my closest friends in the District are on a lifestyle change journey as well. So we ate healthy and we exercised. And while a lot of my friends said I was an inspiration to them, I still felt weird. Most of my friends have gained weight, and here I am so much smaller. And when people ask me how I did it, I tell them the truth. And I love to talk about my new lifestyle, but in the back of my mind, I'm wondering whether or not I'm alienating folks. I dunno. I hope not. I love my friends.

I guess that's all for now. Back home and back on the exercise bandwagon. I just need to get my toning in gear. Seriously.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

X-rated?

That's how I feel. My weight is still fluctuating between 174 and 179. TOTM is gone, so I'll weigh again tomorrow. This is about changes and S-E-X.

I feel thin. Well, thinner. I'm liking me, a lot. I'm a lot more confident. I almost always feel sexy. I don't know if this has more to do with the weight-loss or getting older and more mature, but I do feel sexy more often. I'm not self-conscious all the time when I go somewhere. It's more like I know I look good and I know I'm going to get attention and compliments so I'm not nervous or anxious at all. Why was I afraid of getting attention and compliments??? I have an idea... But this is all good, so let's keep it moving.

I asked my manfriend if there was a difference in the sex. Now, I love this man. I've known him for about 15 years. He has seen me as a skinny (size 5/6) 18 year old, watched me balloon up to 250+ pounds, saw me get down to a size 16, go back to an 18, and then watched the entire transformation to now, 178lbs and a size 12. He's been thru all of it. But he only experienced the 'fat' sex, when I was between 220 and 250 (size 16 - 18) because we were friends for about 11 years before we decided to try being more. And now he has experienced me at a size 12. I wanted to know what the differences were, so I asked. He said she was easier to get to. I've done things I've never done before!!! See, when I was skinny, I was a virgin. I didn't lose my virginity until around 250lbs or so (age 23). So most of my sexual experiences have been as a big girl. Well, I've FINALLY done it in the shower! How sad is it that I couldn't do it because the logistics of getting my thighs open while I was standing was mind-boggling. Not anymore! If I stand and spread my legs, my thighs don't touch anymore! So it's not even an issue!!!! There is no more moving fat out of the way to get to my treasure spot. He also mentioned that I was really flexible. Now, I give this credit to Pilates. Oh, that and not having a stomach in the way to impede motion and every damn thing else. How great is that?! It makes doing my toes and shaving my legs so much easier!!! And it lets me move my legs in ways that I couldn't before. Maybe I've always been flexible, it's just that my big ol' belly was always in the way.

When I think about things like this, I know I won't gain the weight back. I'm lovin' this way too much! My manfriend complimented me as a big girl, but nothing like now. He looks at me differently. He is always telling me how good I look or how pretty I am or how nice an outfit looks or something. He has a compliment for me every time he sees me. And it didn't used to be that way. I like the way it makes me feel when I receive the compliments, too. And I want to continue to experience that feeling. So I need to stay on track.

And I haven't exercised in a week and a half. I have GOT to get it together!!! I need to take my measurements...

Monday, May 14, 2007

I'm starting to like this

Well, don't like it too much...

Quotes from one of my favorite movies, Love Jones. But it's true; I'm starting to like this. I'm getting used to my new body. I realize that I'm not BIG anymore. I still think I'm "fat" because I'm not toned. But I'm not hugemungous anymore. I actually feel thin. Yeah, I still wanna get into better shape, but I'm starting to like my newness. I'm realizing some things are just different. I plan to ask my manfriend if there is a difference in the sex (positions, feel, energy, anything). Why? Because I feel sexier. And this is weird because I've gained about 2-4lbs since coming off of FS (I had a mini-binge, but I'm back on task). Yet I still feel sexier. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I'm starting to run? Maybe I feel better about myself because I'm doing better for myself? I dunno. All I know is, I feel like I look good!!! I feel my size. I feel more confident. I don't feel as self-conscious. I don't feel bad about myself, physically. I notice that I catch my reflexion in the mirror a lot more. Now, I've always loved the mirror, don't get me wrong, but there's something different about it now. Before I looked with curiosity, now I look forward to seeing my reflection because I know what I'm going to see, and I know I'm going to like it.

Other things I've noticed - my underwear, way too big!! I haven't been paying too much attention to it, but some I won't even be able to keep as period pannies; they are just too big! When I park too close to the pump at the gas station and my car door hits that little, short, cement pole, I used to couldn't (horrible grammar) fit out the door. Yesterday it happened, and I mumbled, I'm not gonna fit, and I slipped right through!!!!! I couldn't believe it!!! It used to be so embarrassing to have to get back in my car and move it up a little bit just to be able to open the door enough to get out. NO MORE!!!

And I still can't believe I wear a size Medium top. And these size 12 pants are fitting. Not tight at all. Lightweight loose. STILL!!! It's not a joke or a mirage or anything like that! IT'S REAL!!! And I did it!!! AH!!! What a feeling of accomplishment. I'M NEVER GOING BACK!!! I know you should never say never, but I'm saying it! NEVER!!!! I'm enjoying this TOO much to go back to fat, depressed, feeling unsexy and unpretty, self-conscious all the time, drowning my sorrows in food. I didn't even like that life. I like this life! And I'm gonna keep it! Hell, I'm training to run a marathon!!! I mean, I'm running!!! I never thought I'd be able to run for 3 minutes straight and I'm doing it!!! I'm surprising myself in so many new and different ways. I'm showing Me what We can do!

I'm loving it!!!

:-D

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Fell off

for dinner. Ok, see, what had happened was... I wasn't prepared for today. I came home during my planning bell to make some rice real quick and ate that with some lentils for lunch, but didn't have anything else for the rest of the day but some fruit. I had some running around to do before my TNT Kick-Off tonight. By the time I got there (7:10pm), I was FAMISHED. Seriously. I figured, no matter what, they would have salad. Nope. Pizza. I'd left my fruit in the car and I was already a few minutes late (made a wrong turn), so I didn't want to go back out to the car. And I couldn't resist the smell and sight of pizza and bread. The school had pizza for the teachers today, but I didn't eat any; I ate my lentils and rice. I won the lunchtime battle against the pizza. But by dinner, the pizza won. I had two slices of veggie pizza. Papa John's, traditional crust. It was really, really, good. I enjoyed it. And I'll do an extra day of Phase I because of that, too. Two extra days, if I have to. I'ma see what the scale says in the morning, lol. But you know I tried to rationalize it in my head, right? "Monique, you haven't eaten anything in 6 hours . . . you're about to start training for a marathon, you'll take it off . . . you already got over 14,000 steps, you can eat some pizza . . . you've eaten like a bird for a week, you deserve it!" That last one is so sad to me, sometimes. Food is always my reward. No better way to reward myself than with food. And I have a rule about that, ever since starting WW. But did any of that come to mind when I reached for that pizza? Nope. Just how my stomach was about to whoop some ass up in there if I didn't eat something. I have no excuses. I thought about it long and hard before I made the decision. I chose to eat the pizza. I chose to put two slices on my plate. And though it took me about 30 minutes, I ate both slices. And as I look back on the whole experience, I realize I have no regrets.

But let's talk about something positive, shall we? When I got to the Kick-Off Celebration, I got my training shirt. First, I didn't know that you should train in non-cotton items. I'm glad I didn't go shopping first, cuz I woulda got all kinds of cotton stuff. Anyway, the shirt. I'd marked medium as my size on my registration form. When I was picking up my shirt, I asked her to hold the medium up for me and she told me I could try it on if I wanted to. So I went into the bathroom and tried it on and . . . . . . it fit!!! It's not a fluke, I really DO wear a medium top! And it wasn't tight or uncomfortable; I had plenty of room. I can't believe I wear a medium. I know I had on that medium top that one day and all the tops I get from the thrift store are mediums, but sometimes I'm still a little hesitant to just say I wear a medium.

Training for this marathon is gonna transform my body. Run/walking and cross-training and weights and Pilates, all that spells transformation. The long runs on Saturdays teach your body how to burn fat . . . wait . . . I'm reading the nutrition tips, and I don't know if FS is going to work with this. WW still will, but I need carbs for fuel to keep me going during longer workouts and after all workouts. I'm going to have to figure it out. I'm sure a lot of it will be trial and error, but I hope I don't gain any weight "figuring it out."

Phase II: Day 10 of FS

I COMPLETED PHASE I!!!!! I weighed myself this morning after dancing and the scale loves me!!! 173!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I lost a total of 9.5lbs on Phase I!!!! I didn't cook last night, so half of today will still be Phase I, but I'm eating some type of dead animal for dinner. Probably fish. I want some tilapia. And I'm getting something to drink... as soon as I get off work, lol.

Day 8: meals and nutrient info
(will add later)

Day 9: meals and nutrient info
(will add later)


SMASH IT!!!!!!!!!

I. Love. Dr. Ian!!!!!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Day 9

I made it!!! I'm on the last day of Phase I and I didn't cheat! Except for getting on the scale. I got on again today (yeah, couldn't even wait a day) and it said 174!!! I've lost 8.5lbs so far! We'll see if I lose one more pound today or half a pound for an even 9lbs lost in 9 days.

I get ready to make my smoothie this morning only to notice that I don't have enough yogurt. I'm scared if I use soy milk it will be too runny, even with frozen fruit, so I'm not gonna do it. I'll make a store run during my first bell to get some yogurt. I knew I needed to go to the store yesterday, but I couldn't remember what for. Now I know.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

There is one thing...

that I miss... beverages. Oh, how I would love a frosty beverage. I'm so sick of water. I guess I could have made iced tea and sweetened it with Stevia, but I didn't think of that until just now. I would love to have something to drink. Maybe I'll make a cup of tea tonight before bed. Whatever.

That's not it. I was thinking of making chili instead of stir-fry (no, I haven't cooked yet; I was dancing, got about 1,000 steps). Then I thought of crackers. I can't have any bread for the next THREE weeks. I have to really think about this. Can I really go the next 21 days with no bread or pasta? Realistically? No. Not if I have to "carb-up" for my marathon training. Now, I don't know if I'll have to carb-up while we're doing the lower mileage or not, but I need to find that out. I guess the fact of the matter is, I didn't think I could go nine days without all this stuff. Actually, now that I really think about it, I can't believe I did this. It's 9:27pm the night of the 8th day and I just realized how much of an accomplishment this is for me. I haven't had any meat, BREAD, CHEESE, junk food, nuts, or CEREAL for the past week. That's actually amazing. And I've had money. I'm not broke. And I still stayed on plan. If you knew me, you'd know how much of an accomplishment this was.

Anyway, as I look at all the things I will be able to have, I think I will be able to do it. I'm going to at least give it my best try, just like I did with Phase I. Lemme go make this chili. It ain't like it's gon' take a long time cuz I don't have to really cook the ground "beef," it only has to warm. Soy is so great and convenient like that.

And why is soy such a huge topic of debate? I haven't read anything YET that has said it's detrimental. I've read that it may not have cholesterol-lowering effects, but that doesn't mean it's not healthy. It still have vitamins and nutrients. But I keep hearing some underground rumors about it not being so great for you. I dunno. If you know, hook a sista up.

Simple

Just simple. I'ma sit here and wonder how I can get more nutrients. I just looked back over what I ate the past couple days. BARELY NOTHING. I ate all day, but I grazed on fruit. It filled me up, but it clearly didn't provide enough nourishment. It's just that I was running around and I would take fruit with me to snack on while I was out. When I got home, I didn't feel like cooking, so I ate more fruit or I made popcorn. But I could have done better. It's not like I didn't think about it while it was happening ("I hope my body isn't going into starvation mode cuz we're only eating fruit..."), but I didn't want to stop anywhere to eat anything because who knows what I would have gotten. So I ate fruit. I need to do better. For example, I'm tired right now. I would love to take a nap, but it's goin' on 8:30pm. What I need to do is get off the computer and fix some dinner so I can take leftovers for lunch tomorrow. Since tomorrow is the last day, I want to do everything right, you know, go out with a bang.

Ok, lemme do that. What should I cook? Stir-fry? Yeah. Tofu? I'll check the cookbook, but I may hold off on using that. I'm still kinda scared. But I do need something in my stir-fry. Or maybe I don't. Let's see how we do with just broccoli, onions, bell peppers, mushrooms, and bean sprouts. I figure if you can use olive oil to grill veggies, I should be able to use it to stir-fry them, too!

Later!

Day 8

It's Day 8!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!!!!! Tomorrow is the last day of Phase I, and I made it, NO CUTTING CORNERS!!! I can't even believe it. I'm going to make a special dinner to commemorate it, lol. I was gonna try and extend Phase I, but I think I'll just move forward to Phase II.

Random thoughts. My nutrition. Let's look at the last week overall:

Fat-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin A mcg_RE 1118.1 800 139.76
Vitamin D mcg 0.333 5 6.67
Vitamin E mg_ATE 5.5 8 68.75
Vitamin K mcg 8.6 65 13.23

Water-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin C mg 175.23 60 292.04
Thiamin mg 1.21 1.1 109.9
Riboflavin mg 1.34 1.1 121.42
Vitamin B-6 mg 2.41 1.3 185.51
Vitamin B-12 mcg 1.54 2.4 64.35
Niacin mg 10.39 14 74.19
Folate mcg 384.69 400 96.17
Trace Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Iron mg 11.77 15 78.49
Zinc mg 7.75 12 64.58
Selenium mcg 31.3 55 56.92
Copper mg 1.3 --- ---

Major Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Calcium mg 365.3 1000 36.53
Phosphorus mg 773.75 700 110.54
Magnesium mg 313.44 320 97.95
Sodium mg 1433.2 --- ---
Potassium mg 2940.5 --- ---

I have got to figure out how to get more fat soluble vitamins. But Vitamin D you get from the sun, and I spent time in the sun today (and I don't wear sunscreen). *sigh* I don't understand why it's so hard to get these types of vitamins. And your body makes Vitamin K, too!!! Vitamin A is easy; I just have to eat something orange. But those others... I dunno. *sigh* I'm going to make a concerted effort to do better.

More later...

Day 6 and Day 7

I can't believe I didn't blog for two days! LOL! Today is Day 8, but I need to add meals and nutrition info for the past two days. And, yes, I'm still on plan! I actually FEEL thinner, so I know it's working. Well, that and I've gotten on the scale twice. I couldn't help it! :halo:

Day 6

11:40am ~ 60-minute walk (8900 steps)
1:40 ~ 4oz veggie sausage, 1/2 cup egg beaters, 6tbsp grits (about a cup cooked)
2 apples
2 cups of grapes
medium banana
10 cups air-popped popcorn
32oz water

11 total points and 1,106 calories. Here's the nutrition breakdown:

Fat-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin A mcg_RE 301.64 800 37.7
Vitamin D mcg 2 5 40
Vitamin E mg_ATE 7.22 8 90.24
Vitamin K mcg 10.19 65 15.68

Water-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin C mg 63.43 60 105.72
Thiamin mg 1.15 1.1 104.81
Riboflavin mg 2.7 1.1 245.13
Vitamin B-6 mg 1.57 1.3 121.02
Vitamin B-12 mcg 2.4 2.4 100
Niacin mg 5.07 14 36.25
Folate mcg 231.29 400 57.82
Trace Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Iron mg 9.59 15 63.96
Zinc mg 4.64 12 38.69
Selenium mcg 17.2 55 31.27
Copper mg 0.902 --- ---

Major Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Calcium mg 315.52 1000 31.55
Phosphorus mg 351.09 700 50.16
Magnesium mg 184.83 320 57.76
Sodium mg 1309.8 --- ---
Potassium mg 2107.4 --- ---


Day 7

8:45am ~ 9oz smoothie: 6oz yogurt, 8 slices frozen peaches, 1 med banana, 1 pkt Stevia, 3 dashes nutmeg
11:22 ~ apple
12:12pm ~ grapes
1:31 ~ 1 cup rice, 1 cup lentils
apple
grapes
apple
watermelon
11pm ~ 10 cups air-popped popcorn
59.5oz water

20.5 points and 1,390 calories. Nutrition info:

Fat-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin A mcg_RE 185.8 800 23.23
Vitamin D mcg 0 5 0
Vitamin E mg_ATE 6.26 8 78.29
Vitamin K mcg 13.91 65 21.39

Water-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin C mg 195.71 60 326.19
Thiamin mg 1.21 1.1 110.29
Riboflavin mg 1.23 1.1 111.4
Vitamin B-6 mg 2.24 1.3 172.21
Vitamin B-12 mcg 1.13 2.4 46.93
Niacin mg 9.75 14 69.65
Folate mcg 341.58 400 85.4
Trace Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Iron mg 9.72 15 64.8
Zinc mg 8.3 12 69.17
Selenium mcg 42.29 55 76.89
Copper mg 1.55 --- ---

Major Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Calcium mg 499.7 1000 49.97
Phosphorus mg 1055.9 700 150.84
Magnesium mg 370.66 320 115.83
Sodium mg 1106.9 --- ---
Potassium mg 3052.7 --- ---

Saturday, May 05, 2007

Revelations

I was reading a friend's blog and it made me realize a lot of things about my own weight-loss journey.

For one, it made me finally answer a question I've been asking myself over the past few months: if I was skinny for 18 years THEN gained (a whole 'nother body worth of) weight, why was I not a skinny person trapped in a fat person's body? Why now after losing the weight do I still feel like a fat girl? Her story helped me to understand why: because I don't have negative memories of being skinny. I mean, the jokes (twiggy, Annie, short for Anorexic, etc) didn't hurt my feelings. But I will never forget things people said or did while I was overweight. The story about her ex-boyfriend really hit home for me, too. My ex-boyfriend just out and out told me one day that I had gained weight and I wasn't sexy anymore. It didn't hurt my feelings at the time because it pissed me off so bad. Not to mention, I didn't think I looked bad. But I have NEVER forgotten it. Nor have I forgotten how people would look at me when I got on the train and had to pick a seat, like they hoped I wouldn't sit next to them. Or how when my sisters would introduce me to people what they said, "This is my little sister, I know she don't look like it, LOL, I guess I should say my baby sister..." It would piss me off every time. They did it ALL the time, like it was a new joke each time. And all of this makes me thing of something else. Growing up, my parents were both overweight (probably obese). Affectionately, I called my mommy Fat Slobby. I have no idea what made me start calling her this, but I did, and I did so lovingly. Now, when I can't even apologize, I wonder if it hurt her feelings at all. I hope it didn't, because I honestly didn't think there was anything wrong with how she looked. And that's probably why I didn't think there was anything wrong with how I looked when I was obese. At least in my clothes, because I clearly knew there was something wrong with how I looked without clothes.

Something else I can relate to: not recognizing myself in pictures! And this to me is the hugest mind screw ever. It took pictures to show me a difference. My mind still held the size 18 image. That's what I saw when I looked in the mirror. Only in the past week have I stood in the mirror and REALLY looked and figured out, I'm NOT a size 18. I'm glad I'm not the only one who has problems seeing myself at the new weight. One thing's for sure, though, I'm not nervous about wearing clothes that fit anymore! No way! I want them to fit!

Constantly learning and growing through this process.

Day 5

Who KNEW I could make it this far? I am really surprising myself. And I know it's because I really want to succeed. I want to get on the scale soooooooo bad!!!!! But I'ma be strong, lol. Let me post yesterday's meals and nutrient info.

Meals:

11:22am ~ small apple (1)
1:30pm ~ 1/4 cup br rice (1), 1/4 cup lentils (1)
3:15 ~ 1/2 cup rice (2), 1/2 cup lentils (2)
4:05 ~ small apple (1)
8:00pm ~ boca burger (1), 1 cup sweet potatoes (1), 1/2 ear corn (1)
11:00 ~ 1 cup watermelon (1)
1:00am ~ 5 cups air popped popcorn (1)

That is a total of 13 points and 1,363 calories. Nutrient info:

Fat-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin A mcg_RE 4320.8 800 540.1
Vitamin D mcg 0 5 0
Vitamin E mg_ATE 4.02 8 50.22
Vitamin K mcg 0 65 0

Water-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin C mg 82.24 60 137.07
Thiamin mg 1.21 1.1 110.12
Riboflavin mg 0.753 1.1 68.43
Vitamin B-6 mg 1.83 1.3 140.48
Vitamin B-12 mcg 0.0079 2.4 0.329
Niacin mg 9.08 14 64.87
Folate mcg 796.03 400 199.01
Trace Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Iron mg 18.45 15 123.02
Zinc mg 8.23 12 68.61
Selenium mcg 32.83 55 59.69
Copper mg 1.87 --- ---

Major Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Calcium mg 240.28 1000 24.03
Phosphorus mg 1111.3 700 158.75
Magnesium mg 331.08 320 103.46
Sodium mg 2033.7 --- ---
Potassium mg 3104 --- ---

Yesterday was the first day I went over my sodium intake for the day (2K max).

So I'm halfway through FS and doing just fine. Yesterday could have definitely been better. And I also haven't been exercising like I should have been. Because of that, my weight-loss for the week may not be as shocking as I want it to be. I just really want to get on the scale to see how I'm doing. I mean, it's not like it's cheating for real, it's just that I won't be as surprised on Day 10 when I get on the scale. Man, screw that; I have enough willpower with eating, I'ma get on the scale, just to see how I'm doing since I'm halfway through. Then I won't get back on until Day 10. I think that's a decent compromise. So let's go see.

Ok, I had put the scale in the living room closet. So I go get it out, take it in the bathroom and get on. It says 80.6. I'm like, WTF? Did my scale break? Is the 1 broken??? If so, I've only lost 2lbs????? Then I notice the 6 and I'm like, I never get anything but a 5 after the decimal point; WTF? So I look on the bottom, and somehow, it got switched from lb to kg. So I switched it back and got on... 177.5! I've lost 5lbs so far!!!! That's GREAT!!! I hope I lose as much in this last stretch. Even if I don't lose any more, that takes me out of the 180's!!!! So I'm already satisfied with FS. I haven't yet decided if I'm going to move onto Phase 2 or just go back to WW. I think I'm going to do Phase 2. What I've noticed is that I'm basically only eating Core foods. Technically, I shouldn't even be counting Flex Points, I should only count points for foods that aren't Core and take those points out of my WAP. Remember when I tried to do Core and couldn't? Too much bread and cereal. But maybe I can get a hold on it now since FS is re-training me how to eat.

I'm succeeding. I'm not stressing over what I'm going to eat or anything. I'm not longing for the end of Phase 1. I'm not complaining, either. Yesterday, my 9th graders celebrated Cinco de Mayo and we had all kinds of yummy goodies: burritos, tacos, rice and beans, chips and salsa, and and Mexican bread. I couldn't eat any of it. One of the girls brought in chocolate bars and offered me one and I politely told her no gracias. I kinda did want a taco, a soft one, but I didn't REALLY want it, like REAL bad. I just thought, it probably tastes GREAT! And that was that.

You know what else? I'm not having any caffeine withdrawals. Why not??? Last time I was having headaches and nausea. This time, nothing. Isn't that odd?

I'm gonna read the next chapter of FS again and see what Phase 2 is all about.

Friday, May 04, 2007

Day 4

Did you know that since 1983, May has been observed as National Physical Fitness and Sports Month? I found out yesterday and thought that it was ironic that I'd started FS on May 1st. And it's the beginning of Day 4 and I'm still on plan!!!!! No real cravings, not missing meat, and no caffeine withdrawals! Easing into this a little at a time was a great idea! And what a great month to get my focus back.

Exercising yesterday. Remember how excited I was? Remember? Man. I got to the fitness center in my building and couldn't figure out how to work the treadmill. I mean, I tried for like 15 minutes to figure it out and couldn't. And there wasn't anyone I could ask. When I get home today, I'm going to go at the same time as this one lady so I can ask her how to work it. I felt so slow. So I started some weight training, buy my friend showed up to visit, so I didn't get much done. I did try, though!

Yesterday's meals...

9:18am ~ 1 cup cantaloupe (1)
12:05pm ~ 9oz smoothie (5)
  • 6oz ff plain yogurt
  • 1 large banana
  • 6 frozen peach slices
  • 1/2 cup frozen mixed berries
  • 2 packets Stevia

1:30 ~ 1 cup lettuce, ~ 3/4 medium cucumber, salad spritzer (0)

2:06 ~ Banana (2)

5:13 ~ 1/2 banana (1)

7:52 ~ 1/2 banana (1)

9:27 ~ 1/2 cup brown rice, 1/2 cup curried lentils (4)

1146 calories and only 15 points. Not so hot, huh? Nutrition?

Fat-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin A mcg_RE 622.99 800 77.87
Vitamin D mcg 0 5 0
Vitamin E mg_ATE 3.66 8 45.75
Vitamin K mcg 6.39 65 9.83

Water-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin C mg 220.16 60 366.93
Thiamin mg 0.973 1.1 88.41
Riboflavin mg 1.18 1.1 107.18
Vitamin B-6 mg 3.46 1.3 266.42
Vitamin B-12 mcg 1.13 2.4 46.93
Niacin mg 9.04 14 64.57
Folate mcg 674.2 400 168.55
Trace Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Iron mg 12.49 15 83.29
Zinc mg 7.26 12 60.52
Selenium mcg 30.35 55 55.19
Copper mg 1.46 --- ---

Major Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Calcium mg 512.97 1000 51.3
Phosphorus mg 1027.3 700 146.76
Magnesium mg 347.3 320 108.53
Sodium mg 1210 --- ---
Potassium mg 4198.5 --- ---

I did OK. Still need to do better. If I juiced once a day, I'd get all those nutrients I'm missing, no doubt. Maybe I'll make some juice tonight. I think I will, and I'll add it to my after-workout smoothie.

I haven't eaten yet, so I need to eat something. I can't believe I'm already into Day 4!!!! Go me!!!

Thursday, May 03, 2007

Differences

I'm noticing other things about my body.

First let me say, I carry myself differently when I'm eating and exercising. I sit with better posture, or at least I try to. Or maybe I just feel different. I dunno. It just seems like I notice more stuff. Whatever, maybe I'm trippin'.

ANYWAY...

My legs, well, my thighs. They really are smaller; they don't touch all the way to the knee. And if you're easily grossed out, I apologize in advance, because the next part might be TMI. Ok, my pubic triangle. Mine didn't used to exist unless you lifted fat to find it. Guess what I noticed today? The front of my jeans fit kinda funny, like right in the front. Normally, it's just all full of fat. Well, today it looked funny because part of it wasn't filled with fat and was more of an air pocket: the area of my pubic triangle. The fat doesn't cover it anymore. Right now, in this moment, I'm wondering if I should be ashamed that fat used to cover my pubic triangle. Sidebar: Why didn't this body part get a cutesie name? Your mammary glands are your breasts, tits, hooters, etc. Your gluteus maximus is your booty, butt, ass, etc. And so on and so forth. Arm doesn't describe what it is, it's just your arm. But not the pubic triangle, it really is just the triangle of pubic hair. I googled this, and what I googled was "triangle pubic hair." And most sites call it a pubic triangle. I mean, it's the mons pubis, but who knows that? Is there any other body part that doesn't have a name, only a description? Yeah, I guess your back. From now on, I'ma call my pubic triangle my peety. You gotta love blogs, cuz only in a blog can I go off on a tangent like this. But I actually do this in real life, too. End of sidebar. I'm getting hungry. What was I saying? Oh! My peety is no longer covered in fat. How wonderful is that? My stomach is still fat, but it's shrinking!!! I think all of it really is gonna go away!!! Can you believe that?? I mean, I can touch my peety without lifting my stomach is what I'm tryna say. This might be a minor miracle. I wonder how long I've been able to do this and just haven't noticed?

And as far as getting hungry, I gotta go eat something. This eating every few hours thing ain't no joke. My body knows when 3 hours has passed. Weird.

I forgot

to blog about my happy moment yesterday. Ok, so you know I have to plan for the FS thing, right? Well, right as I was getting ready to wash my pots & pans and start cooking dinner, my friend calls me in distress: her car was acting up on the freeway. So I started hurrying around the house to go help her and what did I do? I grabbed fruit to snack on and my last serving of Fajita Rice in case it took longer than expected, a bottle of water and out the door. I actually took time to pack a WAR bag!!!! I was so excited as I was leaving that I called my friend PJ to tell her what I did. That was a turning point. I've NEVER thought quick like that when it came to food. And that kept me from being hungry with nothing to eat. And I'm SO glad I did because I needed that food!!!! I really am creating new habits. I don't even know who I am anymore.

Oh wait, yeah I do. The same lazy chick as before. Cuz I ain't get up this morning to exercise. But I WILL do my 30 minutes on the treadmill today (run/walking). By next week, I should be back up to my one hour walk/run. I'm gonna push myself. Not too hard, but I'm gonna push myself.

I felt so GOOD this morning!!! I wanted to weigh myself SOOOOOOO bad!!!! But I didn't. I really want to wait until the morning of Day 10 because I want it to be a surprise. I can't wait. :)

So-So

with yesterday's results. I had 1695 calories!!! And it's because of the popcorn and the rice cakes. I meant to only pop FIVE cups, but I used 5tbsp instead of 2tbsp. I got confused. But the average for both days is 1325 calories, and that's OK. Not all bad. I just have to control that snacking urge.

Nutrient info:

Fat-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin A mcg_RE 421.61 800 52.7
Vitamin D mcg 0 5 0
Vitamin E mg_ATE 6.38 8 79.71
Vitamin K mcg 11.86 65 18.25

Water-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin C mg 268.77 60 447.95
Thiamin mg 1.51 1.1 137.67
Riboflavin mg 1.52 1.1 137.88
Vitamin B-6 mg 3.54 1.3 272.01
Vitamin B-12 mcg 2.81 2.4 116.93
Niacin mg 16.29 14 116.36
Folate mcg 162.46 400 40.61
Trace Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Iron mg 12.11 15 80.72
Zinc mg 11.39 12 94.91
Selenium mcg 40.86 55 74.29
Copper mg 1.31 --- ---

Major Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Calcium mg 492.58 1000 49.26
Phosphorus mg 816.64 700 116.66
Magnesium mg 426.03 320 133.13
Sodium mg 1598.1 --- ---
Potassium mg 3275.9 --- ---

OMG! It actually C&P'd!!! This is my nutrient report from yesterday. I'm going to post it every day now that I know it'll do it. Ooh, lemme edit yesterday's, lol, so we can have some consistency. And I'll post later how I plan to get the rest of these nutrients.

Day 3

I'm ready for the 3rd day. Not prepared, but at least ready. I didn't cook last night, so today will be fruit and salad day until I get home. I need to eat all 4 bananas I have left before they go bad. Oh, I guess I could freeze a couple to use in my smoothies. I didn't get up and exercise this morning, but I'm walking to work and back, so that will serve as my exercise for today. And I really am gonna try to go to Pilates today. It's so hard to get back in the swing of things.

Food-wise, I think I did worse yesterday than I did on Day 1. Here's what I ate yesterday and at what time:

8:30-9:17am ~ 9oz Peach Banana Smoothie (5pts)
10:41am ~ med apple (1pt)
12:04pm ~ Fajita Rice (1/2 serving) (2.5pts)
1:38 ~ Fajita Rice (other half)(2.5pts)
4:50 ~ Banana (1pt)
6:30 ~ Banana (1pt)
6:43 ~ Fajita Rice (1/2 serving) (2.5pts)
8:51 ~ Fajita Rice (other half) (2.5pts)
9:04 ~ Quaker Rice Cake (PBCC) (1pt)
9:22 ~ 10 cups air popped popcorn (3pts)
10:20 ~ 1 cup watermelon, 2 QRC (3pts)

25 Points total; not bad. I need to enter this into Fitday.com to see if I had enough calories and nutrients. Too many snacks last night, especially between 9pm and 10:30. I think that's my problem time. And I was tired last night so I shoulda just went to sleep. But no, the snack monster was at it.

Gotta get my smoothie ready. More later...

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Satisfied

I ate half of my serving of fajita rice and I feel satisfied. I didn't have to eat ALL of it. I'll eat the other half when I get hungry this afternoon. I guess as long as I'm "grazing" it doesn't matter if it's exactly every 2-3 hours, as long as it's not longer than that when I eat.

I still can't believe this is going so well! When I went to the store yesterday, I saw so much stuff I'd never seen before and would love to try. I know I only noticed it because I knew I couldn't have it.

I am not doing so well at my water consumption today, though. This is going to take some getting used to again.

So glad for Fitday.com

I'm glad I went over there to log what I ate yesterday. Let me show y'all:

9am - .60lb cantaloupe (about 1 cup)
12:12pm - medium apple
1:31 - ~1/2 a cup of island fruit medley (pineapples, mango, papaya)
6:30 - fajita rice (1 svg)
8:40 - large banana
10pm - 1 svg fajita rice
10:21 - 1 Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Quaker Rice Cake (made from brown rice!)
10:30 - 1 cup watermelon, 2 strawberries

and I had 42.5 ounces of water yesterday (not so good). No exercise.

That is a total of only 947 calories!!!! No WONDER this works. We'll see if I can get closer to 1500 calories today since I'm trying to eat all 24 of my points.

Now, nutrition-wise. All that produce, STILL, not so good:

Fat-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin A mcg_RE 855.69 800 106.96
Vitamin D mcg 0 5 0
Vitamin E mg_ATE 5.46 8 68.29
Vitamin K mcg 9.27 65 14.25

Water-Soluble Vitamins
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Vitamin C mg 221.04 60 368.41
Thiamin mg 1.19 1.1 108.1
Riboflavin mg 0.643 1.1 58.49
Vitamin B-6 mg 1.83 1.3 140.93
Vitamin B-12 mcg 1.8 2.4 75
Niacin mg 13.08 14 93.44
Folate mcg 102.61 400 25.65
Trace Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Iron mg 8.27 15 55.14
Zinc mg 6.67 12 55.56
Selenium mcg 24.3 55 44.19
Copper mg 0.677 --- ---

Major Minerals
Nutrient Units Intake RDA % RDA
Calcium mg 130.76 1000 13.08
Phosphorus mg 280.3 700 40.04
Magnesium mg 220.74 320 68.98
Sodium mg 1340.5 --- ---
Potassium mg 1904.3 --- ---


So I'll read my Wellness Foods book today to see what I need to up these other vitamins and minerals. I think just because of the smoothie, I'm already doing better nutrient-wise today.

And I'm hungry. My next meal should be at 1:30; an hour and a half from now. If I can't wait that long, I'll eat another apple. I sooooooo wanna eat my lunch right now. But then I'll only have an apple and a banana to last me until 4:30, and that won't do. But I'm hungry. Oh yeah, my stomach just growled. I'm going to heat up my fajita rice.