Update, I guess

Well, the scale started moving DOWN again!!!!! The week before last, I lost 4lbs! Took me to 184. Then last week, I lost 1lb, so I was 183 at the beginning of this week. Today, I was 181. I kinda had a bad day yesterday, totally overate. And I'm doing HORRIBLY with Core. I don't know if I'll be able to transition to Core like I wanted or not. I mean, I never thought I'd make the changes I've made, so I guess anything is possible. But what I know right now is that trying to eat only Core foods is HARD AS HAYLE. I'd be done with my WAP by the 3rd or 4th day of the week. And then what? But here's the thing, even when I go over my points, I'm usually still under or around 1500 calories. And it's not very often that I'll go over 2000. I have my days, but they are few and far between, like maybe twice a month. So I'm fairly proud of that. I'm SO ready to be out of the 180's. You know, it's a trip. You wait SO long just to be in ONEderland, but that high doesn't really last that long. Don't get me wrong, I am TOTALLY enjoying myself in the mirror, but it's bittersweet because I still look at the things that need to change. And I am constantly chastizing myself for not doing what I know I need to be doing. For example, I have never looked at my back before, like REALLY looked at it. So last week, I started, and you know what I noticed? My top back-fat-roll is diminishing. I got PUMPED when I noticed it. But immediately after that, I looked at the middle back-fat-roll and got mad at myself. It is still there in FULL FORCE. Now, I don't know if strength/flexibility/weight training would help or not, but if I were actually DOING it, I WOULD know. And THAT'S what ticked me off. How can I look in the mirror and have the NERVE to be disgusted by back fat when I'm not doing EVERYTHING I can to get rid of it? That's just ridamndiculous. One of the quotes I wrote in my food journal is "if you want to SEE change you have to EARN change." If I want the backfat to disappear, I need to MAKE it disappear. No more 'tools of incompetence' for THIS sista!

I have another magazine subscription that I adore. A friend of mine has a daughter who's a Girl Scout and they did a magazine drive, so I got two subscriptions and one of them was to Fitness magazine. I've never read it or even seen it, but it seemed like a good idea. I got my first issue this week and devoured it! It's FULL of good information. I like it because it doesn't focus just on weight-loss. And that's good for me because sometimes I get so caught up on that I can't see the forest for the trees. I'm trying to prevent disease and all that, but I forget that I need to tone my muscles. I NEED to. Not to look good, but they will help burn more fat, which will help me slim down faster, and be healthier faster. So why am I not doing it????? I think it might intimidate me or something. Or maybe it's cuz it's not easy. Exercising is fairly easy cuz I walk. And I like to walk. Or I dance, and I like to dance. I don't enjoy strength and flexibility training. I WANT to enjoy it, but I'm not into it all like that. Now, I want to take a Pilates class and start back taking belly dancing classes. I WANT to tone and stuff, but I don't have any motivation to DO it. I really need to get it together.

Silver lining? I'm buying a car next week. So I'll be able to go to the rec center and walk around the track. Won't be the same work-out since it's flat and no hills, but exercise is exercise. Then hopefully I'll get hired on (in February) at the place I'm working at right now cuz they have a fitness center. THEN I'll really have no excuses! I'm trying to stay positive and stop the emotional eating. The truth is, I did good yesterday. The old me would have gone and gotten a pint of ice cream and some cookies to go with it. Instead, I ate what I had at home, so I overate but it could have definitely been worse. I had some good fat, Planters NUTrition, got some tryptophan from popcorn (94%ff), but I had some bad fat, too, chocolate chip cookies. I needed somethign sweet. But it coulda definitely been worse.

I'll be back when I'm in the 170's. Reward at 175lbs!!!

At 181, I'm 36lbs away from my goal!!!!! I CAN do this!!!